The Measure You Use

When Jesus taught the disciples how to pray in what has come to be known as the Lord’s Prayer, one of the points that he emphasized was forgiving “those who trespass against us.” Afterwards, he expounds on this:

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

That sounds scary – the only way that we can be forgiven (and therefore saved) is if God forgives us of our sin, but he will not do that unless we forgive those who sin against us! 
Jesus spoke more about this topic in Matthew 18 when Peter asks how many times he should forgive a friend who transgresses against him (note that there is a distinction between the forgiveness of those who ask for it versus those who do not, and, while both are required, I will focus on the former). Peter suggested up to seven times, but Christ responds that he should forgive them “seventy-seven times,” demonstrating that he should not even bother keeping count. Jesus then goes on to give a parable to highlight the importance of forgiveness:

Matthew 18:21-35

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.

We are in the position of the servant in this parable. Every man is born with a debt to God because we are born into sin. By repenting and asking God to cover us with the blood of Christ, we find mercy and our debt is forgiven, as in the parable. The debt of which God has forgiven each of us is far greater than what we could owe one another, and so we should forgive others just as God has forgiven us. If we do not, we face dire consequences.

But what does it mean to “forgive your brother from your heart?” It’s obviously not enough to simply tell the person that you forgive them – you have to mean it! How do you mean it? What if you just don’t feel it?

God is the ultimate forgiver, and we should look to His example and His Word to find the answers. The scripture shows that God is very concerned with what is in our heart. We have to repent in our hearts, we have to give from our hearts, we have to believe from our hearts, and we have to forgive from our hearts. Furthermore, God does not expect our heart to change on it’s own. In one of my previous posts (It’s All About the Heart), I explained that the entire premise of the new covenant is the transforming of our hearts from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh and that it is God who makes this change so that we can keep His law of love towards Him as well as towards each others. 2 Corinthians 7:10 demonstrates that the emotions and feelings that lead to Godly repentance come from God and effect a change on our thinking, behavior, and attitude:

2 Corinthians 7:10

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this Godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.

Similarly, there is a difference between worldly forgiveness and Godly forgiveness. We should be asking God not only to “forgive those who trespass against us,” but also that our forgiveness would be Godly. We have to ask God to give us the right emotions and, ultimately, the right heart.  

How do we know if we have truly forgiven someone then? The answer lies in a question: in what manner and to what extent does God forgive us? 

As we saw in the parable of Matthew 18, God forgives all of our debt. The master didn't say "well, just pay me half" or even "pay me what you can afford" - he wiped the entire slate clean! Having the servant pay what he could afford would have been more than fair, but God teaches us to be compassionate beyond human reasoning. Observe what the following psalm says said of God's forgiveness:

Psalm 103:10-13

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.

This is also how we are to forgive each other. Though people may do wrong to us, we are not to treat them as they deserve for what they have done - in the parable, both the servant and the man who owed the servant deserved to pay off their debt in full. Just as God removes our sin as far from us as the east is from the west, so also we should not remember the sins of others if they admit what they have done and ask for forgiveness. And even if we do “remember” in the literal sense of “oh yeah, I remember when that happened,” we should not continue to be angry over it and we are to treat them as though it never happened.

Notice also that it says, “He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.” God is fully aware of the fact that our human nature is to sin; therefore, He is eager to forgive when we seek forgiveness in contrition. We must understand that our friends will be weak at times, just as we are weak in the flesh.

God instructs us to be forgiving, and so we must be. Ask God to give forgive those who sin against you and to give you the ability to forgive them from the heart. Remember the words of Christ:

Luke 6:35-38

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

May our judgment be Godly judgment, the measure we use be Godly measure, and our forgiveness be Godly forgiveness.